Worst Lip Glosses

Everyone has a different preference on their gloss, so let me start by stating mine:
I like glosses (or lippies, as I often call them) to have enough sheer color and shine that I can wear them by themselves and see a difference (and they show up in photos), or wear them over lip color for a different look every time.
I want a lippie that is moisturizing but not thick or sticky, and one that I feel comfortable kissing my husband in (i.e. not stinky, not going to seal us together like glue, not going to leave ludicrous color or glitter on his face). It has to have a bit of shimmer, but no chunks of sparkles. I'm not 4 years old (ok, I admit I still use and love LipSmackers, Legos, coloring...etc. but I'm too old for my face to be glittering). It needs to last a while and be easy to apply, preferably without a mirror.
And, most obviously, it has to taste good. Why in the samhill would you put something on your mouth that doesn't?! Even my homemade lip masks have to be edible.
I am a lippie addict, collector, whatever you want to call it, so I have tried many in my day and these are the ones that went back to the store, in the trash, or, if they weren't too radical in their colors and chemical content, were given to my niece:

Sally Hansen Lip Inflation anything. It is sticky and feels like it is burning my lips and not in a sexy, plumping way, but rather "I feel like I just took a sip from a jug of bleach" way. And the smell isn't much better than bleach either.

CoverGirl Wetslicks.

I bought this in the light chocolate shade (similar to what you see at left)
for a nice autumn look to complement brown eyeshadow (or in other terms, to make it look like I give a damn and have the patience to try to appear put together). I was immediately disappointed and returned it and I will never look back!! Sometimes I look back. Like with the LaMer Balm. Ouch. But anyway--I did not look back with this guy! It wears badly--disappearing in about 10 minutes and leaving your lips dry, sticky, and yes--sparkly!! This stuff has pointy little chunks of glitter. Stay away! Unless you favor the whole crackwhore look, which hasn't been in for years and years dah-ling.

NYC Lippin Large Gloss in Clear. This lippie has changed looks a bit over the years, but if you see the clear tube with glutinous gloss rolling around in it, run the other way!!
The only time when this gloss is do-able is if you're going out and you will not be eating, drinking, talking extensively, or kissing anyone. And there can be no wind or fans at this event you are going to because if your hair gets remotely near your mouth, this gloss is a magnet and will coat the shit out of it and it is not easy to get out. This is the stickiest stuff I have ever come across. It is like honey, but worse. It gives a fantastic shine and I've heard it is a cheap dupe of Elizabeth Arden's Crystal Clear Lip Gloss (which is also too heavy for my taste) but you risk opening your mouth and having sticky strings connecting your upper and lower lips (yes, that has happened to me).
This was the stuff you wore to the big awkward Junior High dance because you thought the rays of light your lips were catching would attract a boy and something would happen. Not that he would kiss you with this goop on, because then you would get a reputation around the halls as being the girl so desparate to catch a dude that you employed SuperGlueGloss.

Revlon Colorstay anything.

I don't know if I have some kind of allergy to this,

but whenever I use it I get a ring of white around my inner lips within 30 minutes.

And the formula is too dry for my taste--it cracks while on my lips and that is never a good look.
Maybelline Superstay has the same problems.

I hate thinking "I can apply it and then forget about it!" because you A) Cannot "just" apply it. These darn things require precision and patience (I lack both) and B) The moment you forget about it you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror looking awful. And then you feel incompetent and lame. Not a fun combination.

L'Oreal Color Juice.  Not completely horrible, but not really worth the price either.
They smell good, but they're too thick and don't wear very well. They just feel too "high school" for me because of the colors and small glitter particles. And because I wore a few of them in high school...

 Victoria's Secret Beauty Rush.

Yes, they smell amazing and have cute names and fun packaging, but ...GLITTER. Some aren't as bad as others and if you can pinpoint them, great. When I worked at VS I learned that these things are like candy to the younger girls and do make a great gift for those 17 and under, though I do admit to opening one or two of them and sniffing them now and then. Call me a glitter huffer, but they just stink so pretty and bring back memories.

Good luck on your gloss hunt! I will soon post on the BEST lippies.